Dear Diary: Why I Do Not Resonate with the Word Healer

It might surprise you to hear why I don’t resonate with the word HEALER for myself. Read below to learn why…

Crickets. I hear crickets, and I love it. There is something about the symphony of crickets that ignites a part of my inner hearing. It starts with crickets and then I hear the frogs, and the soft sounds of the leaves and the ripples of the stream and suddenly I am in flow.

I feel my creativity surge and I try to pour that into my workflow. I am reminded quickly that every day is mercury retrograde when you are in the Canadian Shield as the internet and technology are super glitchy. The lack of internet speed forces me to find other ways to channel my creativity and so I turn to stillness.

Sitting here up North in stillness reminds me how in flow I become when I am where I feel I belong, how expansive I become when I get into nature. I thrive up here, I always have. It was the soft cedars and the white paper birch who held me as a child. It was the turtles, bullfrogs, herons and chipmunks who kept me company as a babe. It was the hummingbirds, loons and bluejays who inspired my voice as a child. It was the limestone lake that nourished and sustained me as an adolescent.

Is it any wonder I feel at home when I return to the North?
Is it really such a surprise I feel I belong here?

As I sit and listen to the crickets as they take me into a deep meditative state, I surrender to the journey. I see myself here, I see my past with compassion. I feel the hurt and some shame and I feel the arms of the river hold me. I see the past and its many stepping stones leading me to the womxn I am now. I do not feel shame when I look at a stone, I do not judge its size or its texture, and I am learning to see my own stepping stones with the same loving gaze.

I understand now.

This understanding helps me get closer to true surrender. This surrender is big. It’s a divine understanding. It’s a release of the HOW and a total Faith in my soulful calling. I know where I am headed now, and I know why.

The past 6 months have taken me on quite the journey.

I have allowed the journey to take me deep into the darkness and for once in my life, I was in no rush to find my way out. The shadow no longer scares me. It doesn’t control me, and it is not depressing, it is growth. When the process started I knew it was big, but I really didn’t understand it. I thought I did, but my heart told me I had a lot to uncover and feel through before I could emerge with true understanding.

As the new moon makes its journey to fall, I finally feel as if I am coming into a new cycle: a re-birthing. The past few days of sleepless nights have illuminated my true soulful calling: I am here to teach.

I always have been and perhaps it’s why I do NOT resonate with the word HEALER.

I have always resonated with one of the ancient proverbs “If you give a man a fish, he will be hungry tomorrow. If you teach a man to fish, he will be richer forever.” Author Unknown.

I truly believe that my soul is here to teach regenerative living from a mind-body-soul context.

I am clear now on the many stepping stones I have experienced in hostel living, resort living, and co-op living as well as the many volunteer and internships I have participated in to form my understanding of holistic living.

I have no desire to heal people, teach courses in healing, or be categorized as a healer. What I do want is to teach people how to heal themselves and generations to come to thrive in their sustainable footprint. Create communities of healers within. This awareness brings me to terms with the connection between healing and teaching, and when I use them together I love both words with equal fervor.

As I paddle in my kayak I remark at the feelings of strain going against the current, and I reflect on the proverbial fight of going against the flow. I went upstream for a lot of my life. I tucked myself into pockets and banks for a reprieve only to push onwards when I felt the need to try again. Those were days, seasons even of growth.

As this new moon leaves its mark I am ready now for the work with water. As I reflect on this, I am brought back to the present by a slapping tail; a beaver is warning me I am kayaking close to his home. I am astounded by his sudden presence and I bow down to him. I have dreamed of him lately with a message to return to my ancestors’ lands and now, out of the dreamtime, he is here before me commanding my attention.

I am ready to listen.

Sometimes, it takes us a moment, a month, a year, a season, or chapters to get clear which path we want to stay committed to walk. I know mine now, clearer than ever before. I am relishing these moments of stillness to feel my way into next steps.

September brings one last burst of energy: a newness, a freshness, a beautiful opportunity to begin.

September flows into October where mercury lurks ready for me to connect deeply to the thin veil of Samhain (pronounced Sow-win) also known as Halloween. I am gaining clarity now and finalizing my foundations so that I can dive deeper into my shadow’s gifts of strengthening my clarity and adjusting where needed to ensure I achieve my soulful mission.

Never have I felt more at home in my own body. Never have I felt more belonging to my soulful mission. This is soulful alignment and I am ready to transcend my former path, persevere in the name of regeneration, nourish and be nourished, and always find a way to flow like water.

Do you find yourself looking for the opportunity for change too? Are you at least curious? When you are a member of the Beyond Yoga and Meditation Online Membership, you gain access to all kinds of tools to help you tap into your truest potential.I am honoured to share that 10% OF ALL MEMBERSHIP AND E-COURSE SALES ARE NOW GOING TO RAVENTRUST!


Healing from Within is pleased to support RAVEN (Respecting Aboriginal Values and Environmental Needs).
RAVEN is the only non-profit charitable organization in Canada that uses the power of the crowd to fund access to justice for Indigenous Peoples.

When successful, the legal actions of RAVEN’s Indigenous partners set precedents for future cases and advance legal rights and title.
They also create significant environmental benefits.

Supporting Indigenous-led initiatives is an effective way to curtail unsustainable industrial development and drive systemic change.

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