The Courage Of Self Improvement

“Impeccable comes from the Latin pecatus, which means “sin”. The I in impeccable means “without” so “impeccable” means “without sin”. Religions talk about sin and sinners, but let’s understand what it really means to sin. A sin is anything you do that goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

How I Started Self Improvement

This photo took immense courage. At the end of 2018, I sat with my Desire Map and began to formulate my core values and desired feelings for 2019. The main word that I chose to act as my compass was courage.  Each day since I have been stepping into the understanding of what this word means to me and how to embody it in each and everything that I do. Self-improvement is much more difficult than you would assume.

As I leaned into where I was lacking courage the most, it was in being seen. After studying medical intuition I began to learn through my mentor, my clients, and my own experience how different aspects or patterns in our lives may present physically.  What was coming up again and again was that most autoimmune conditions are to do an emotional or spiritual need to be seen.  When I first began to notice this pattern, my mentor at the time informed me that it was negative to need to be seen and reframed that being seen was, in fact, a bad thing. The teachings she presented me caused me to interpret myself as needing to withdraw, be quite, hide my true feelings, and stop trying to be seen or heard in order to heal my own auto-immune condition.

With this interpretation taken right to my core, I stopped wearing makeup and I pretend that it was because I am supernatural and that was my brand. I stopped dressing nice, avoided speaking up or asking questions and spiraled inward to a belief that there must be something wrong with me for needing to be seen. Feeling deeply hurt and isolated I turned to books. The more I read, the more I began to heal, one layer at a time.

One day I looked at my son and I realized that I wanted him to be heard, and seen, by me and anyone else he chose. I decided that I wanted to model to him that it took courage to stand up and be seen and face ridicule but that the only opinion who count are those of our trusted circles. It became clear to me that the time to take action was here because he won’t learn from what I say but from what I do. With courage and the idea of self-improvement in my hand and my heart in my throat, I booked a photo shoot.

Who I Really Am…

What you don’t know is that I have avoided wearing makeup so that people wouldn’t see me as “too powerful”. Most of my life I’ve been accused of being a threat to people’s husbands, boyfriends, called a whore, a slut, tramp, flirt, and I’m sure I’m missing a few. I’ve always had powerful sensual energy and very curvaceous buttocks. On top of being ridiculed for my looks I also have an exuberant and outgoing personality which has caused many people to tell me to tone it down, I’m just too much, and who do I think I am. This photo shoot was a landmark for me saying I will NOT get off my high horse ever again for anyone else, that my son can be who he is because I’m courageous enough to be who I am. From now on if someone is threatened by me that is their journey and I’ll hold space for them but not by shifting or downplaying who I truly am. As an empath and a telepath I can read people’s thoughts and for 38 years I used that to change or downplay the real me to help others feel better to avoid painful interactions or conflict….from now on when I read your thoughts or feelings, I’ll stand taller and open my heart wider with loving compassion and vulnerability to be uncomfortable because that is being of service and daring greatly. I am Tawny.

1 thought on “The Courage Of Self Improvement”

  1. The comments you heard about yourself are what I endured at work. My reviews said the same things tone it down be a little less I can remember clearly when I decided to just be me regardless it separated me from everyone else in the work environment. Not easy being different!

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