Fragmented ~ Kaleidoscope of the Heart

The word for today is fragmented.

It started with astral travel: a dream time adventure to see two of the past loves of my life to a country I once called home. Three familiar felines accompanied the journey as well as the voice of an angel.

I was startled awake from the dream by my son and I came back to the here and now in pieces. My heart was not ready to leave the astral state, I was in deep embrace with love as I have been craving that kind of love for nearly a decade now. Nothing has come close and for these brief moments I could feel that love flowing through me.

I was never ready to leave that country, are we ever ready to leave love? Love of a country, a home, a person? I had to leave to learn the most important love of all: love of self. My soul knew this and so many more flights, countries and continents have filled in the last decade when I once knew love.

Starting my morning with my heart aching, my mind was reeling to catch up. I tried to analyze and intellectualize all I had experienced for a brief moment and then … I surrendered.

I fell into the rush of feelings and stopped trying to figure them out. I offered gratitude for those brief moments of remembrance, of energetic embrace, of astral connection. I gave myself permission to be fragmented, to allow parts of me to float in different timelines and let the light expose the hurt and joy with equal fervor.

As the day continued it became clear that the feeling of floating was not going to subside in a hurry, despite my attempts to ground through coffee and food I was unable to fully return. I sat myself down and decided to go with the floating and see where it led.

I found the more I surrendered to the need to flow like water, the more relaxed and at ease I became.

I worked in circles, let go of my to-do list and jumped from task to task with no rhyme, reason or logical order.

Suddenly, it hit me … I was deeply entranced by the pull of the moon.

Her fullness was being amplified by the high winds and heavy rains and I had fully become one with the divine feminine. I was all flow, and no action. Blissfully, my day allowed me space for this sensation and so I chose to ride it out. I allowed my masculine to witness and hold a container of time and nothing more. My masculine driven activities and ambitious projects were removed from the container.

I softened. And as I softened, the more the magic intensified.

Songs and messages came through with fuel for my hopes and dreams carried on each one. I began to see harps, ukuleles, long skirts and children dancing, magic was flowing around in many tangible ways. I stayed open to receive.

I wanted to get up on the roof and sing at the top of my lungs that we can do hard things!!!

I could feel the magic coursing through my veins as I leaned into glimpses of my soul path and acknowledged my soulful purpose. I welcomed the clarity of more elements of my vision and allowed the love to flow through me and fill me up. As the love flowed I called in my divine masculine to bear witness. I asked him to hold this love, hope, and inspiration safe. I asked him to build me a container to protect my dreams, my love, and my destiny. I saw his sword with ancient symbols rise to meet my flowing skirt.

I will need these memories in the coming days, I am certain of this.

The feelings that the moon has conjured for me right now are too beautiful to not be felt. And so, with my faith in my own strength, and my own divine masculine as protection, I am safe in these moments to dream and flow like water.

And as I will it, so shall it be.

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