strong and wise

Diary – 4th Week of June … Strong and Wise

I did it. I opened the window during the storm and I left it open. I let the wind, the hail, and the debris pummel me. It hurt. I let the storm of emotions hurl itself at me until it reshaped my container, the container of who I am.

I always come undone. I know that it’s part of the process. It is not my favorite part, it hurts like hell, but each time it happens I have new tools in my tool kit and even the old ones serve me differently in each new storm that I encounter. I feel a lesson brewing in this storm, a reshaping, a movement from ‘strong’ to ‘wise and strong’.

This is where I am held right now, feeling into what it means to move from strong to strong and wise, this is part of my new container.

My old container was like fort Knox, I could take anything and rise and rise again. I am different now, I am softening because I no longer want to trap love and joy out, which was inevitable when nothing could get in. I am letting down the walls because I don’t need to protect myself with all of my strength.

I have a container now, one I no longer need to apologize for, the container of simply being me.

I am leaning into the softness by trusting my wisdom to guide me knowing my strength is there to carry me when I feel weak. I am learning wise is the soft to the hard of pure strength.

As the window stayed opened I began to let in other storms, the storm of Indigenous trauma, Black Lives Matter, and COVID 19. I have placed them all into a separate container, and I left their windows open too.

The feelings flowed.

Holding space for all of these containers, I hear someone (I can’t remember who) say “if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem”. I bring that into the containers. What does that mean? What do I do with this? Wise, not strong, feel first, ask questions, feel more, sit with it.

Even healers need healing, I know I am battered from these storms. I seek refuge in company to keep me wise and strong in the storms. I call two Shaman friends and sign myself up for their care. I melt and soften further. My soul has messages: Beaver, Porcupine, and a Yellow song bird make their messages known. I am humbled and grateful. I take this healing and add it to my wisdom container, to sit with and feel.

Solstice energy has arrived, I feel different this year.

I can barely speak. I am struggling to celebrate, but my will to honour the Earth fuels me.

I lean into the sun.
I find my yoga mat, I am reverent.
I go inward. I cry.

I can’t contain these tears, so I use my social platform and cry publicly, I care too much to cry alone. I mourn and celebrate all at once. It feels better this way.

I have decided to leave the windows open a while longer. I want to witness the dust after the storm. I want to feel with all my senses what is no longer, what remains, and what will rise. I am ok in the storm, I want to be here.

I want to feel. I want to heal. I know the storm won’t last forever and that I get to use my perception of what beauty remains or is possible. I will bring my wisdom through experience into each container as I allow the process of being undone to slowly build me a wiser and stronger container to go forward in service and soulful alignment. I am strong and wise.

Sign up for my upcoming Mercury Retrograde Companion Series where I will help you understand how to prep for Mercury Retrograde, teach you what it is and how it affects us AND will be your companion LIVE daily during our upcoming Mercury Retrograde June 18 – July 12. Together, we can be strong and wise.

AND if you’re interested, learn about why I see Mercury Retrograde as a Blessing and Not a Curse.

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