Who I am is shifting. I have spent some deep reflective time exploring who I am. I looked back on my childhood and many of my life’s experiences to date and evaluated what brought me joy. This was a perplexing experience because at the time I was doing things I thought I was doing to bring me joy or that they automatically all brought me joy. I started picking apart what joy really meant to me and that opened up the exploration of what in my life I have done out of joy vs expectation.
Oh that word expectation, I haven’t played with it in this way before.
I haven’t really given myself permission to go back throughout my life as an observer and examine what was done out of feelings of “should” or necessity vs real longing or soul calling.
The results kind of shocked me.
On the outside I am a full blown, two hoofs in the air Sagittarius.
I love adventure, spontaneity, philosophical conversation and to be active. The interesting thing is that makes me look extremely extroverted (and I am) but it doesn’t show the entire picture. I am also a rising sign Taurus, and this aspect of me loves stability, to be slow and mindful, to be connected to the Earth and to see the beauty in all things. The Taurus in me relishes some quiet and slowness on a very regular basis. It’s in that slowness and nature that the philosophical side gets time to ponder and yet it’s the Sagittarius that took me to so many places my inner Taurus could relish in beauty.
This astrological dive comes into focus when I look at things like dance lessons, riding horses, cheerleading, travelling, waiting tables, tour guiding, teaching english, body work, reiki, yoga and more.
As I allow the framework of Astrology to highlight some aspects of me, it leads me closer to understanding what really brings me joy.
Giving myself permission to explore expectation is opening up deeper questions for me about who I want to be to feel happy. It is helping me both in my personal and professional aspects. As an entrepreneur, growth is largely connected to my professional growth and because my brand is about spiritual awakening and an imperfect spiritual practice, the two really overlap.
This understanding of my connection to the Earth and need for stillness combined with my love of deep philosophical adventure begins to shape ideas of how I want to slow down and be me. This is what is shifting.
As I continue my imperfect practice I shed more layers of expectation and dive into more layers of self understanding. I am letting go of shame and guilt for who I am and allowing myself permission to just be. I am finally releasing the blinders that had me in a rat race of comparison to other women and trying to keep up with them when my access to resources is very different as is our souls’ purpose.
I am finally creating my own lane and ok being in it.
It’s very uncertain, because as I explore who I am, what brings me joy is forcing me to reframe parts of my business. The parts that are forcing me to re-frame are the parts I relied on for income.
I have to trust.
I have faith in who I am and faith that chasing passion will bring about the prosperity I desire for me and my family.
The more I unravel, the more I really feel my soul.
The more I come undone and break open the more softness and light I can feel.
I know that I am on the cusp of another huge leap of growth. I can feel it as I question my daily routines, my time spent, and how it makes me feel.
I am getting closer to embodying my core desired feelings because I am leaning into the foundation of my values. I am rebuilding this foundation right now. As I watch my values and core desired feelings get into soulful alignment, I feel myself rise.
This feels good.
I am accepting that I want to bead, read, and lead from the heart and I am uncovering the questions that help me get there.
This means room for stillness, growth, and my ultimate soul purpose: teaching and leading from the heart.
Healing from Within is pleased to support RAVEN (Respecting Aboriginal Values and Environmental Needs).
RAVEN is the only non-profit charitable organization in Canada that uses the power of the crowd to fund access to justice for Indigenous Peoples.
When successful, the legal actions of RAVEN’s Indigenous partners set precedents for future cases and advance legal rights and title.
They also create significant environmental benefits.
Supporting Indigenous-led initiatives is an effective way to curtail unsustainable industrial development and drive systemic change.