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Victor not Victim

Diary – 2nd Week of June … Victor Not Victim

Dear Diary,

VICTOR NOT VICTIM.

FACT. It is a fact that I choose to be victorious through my courage to stay vulnerable. When I allow myself to feel every emotion, to experience pain, suffering, heart ache, depression, anxiety, I am allowing myself to have a fully spiritual experience in my human body.

I was made to feel and I DO NOT like all of what I feel but I choose to lean in anyway. I NEVER FLIP MY SCRIPT. I am sure this was meant to be helpful but the FACT is, in no way can I take my suffering and flip it literally into sunshine and rainbows. I don’t believe we are meant to.

For me, using every reserve of courage I have to sink into the dark and despair is what allows me to stay curious.

  • Curious about what I am feeling.
  • Curious about who it belongs to.
  • Curious about why is it there.
  • Curious about what can it teach me.

To me that is not flipping, it is exploring and feeling my way to growth.

When I get curious, I connect into the collective: how is my community, my country, humanity, the collective, the cosmos are feeling and how am I connected, BECAUSE I am connected. This curious exploration of the connection to all things (or inter-connection) is what enables me to get honest. I mean real honest with who I am, what I believe in and what I am going to do about it.

This is how I live my life. These four words are my compass:
Courage
Curiosity
Connection
and Integrity

These words are what make me resilient.

They are what help me rise in tragedy and crisis. Even the small, imperfect action of being courageous, curious and exploring my connection is a victorious step in ensuring I remain heart-centered and make ethical choices for humanity, acting from a place of feeling whole.

This is my approach to Black Lives Matter. They do. They always have and they always will.

I was raised as a very young girl in Mississauga, an immigrant haven. We had people from Croatia, the breaking down Soviet Union, Jamaica, Pakistan, Africa, Armenia, and China. I was age 8-10 and we were all blended into one classroom. I saw the abuse these kids suffered at the hands of their parents’ trauma. I saw the physical scars and bruises and I hugged many of the emotional ones too. I was asked by my teacher to sit in the science room and just hold space for the kids with trauma. I was asked to walk the transgender and kids identifying as Homosexual to the washroom so they wouldn’t feel alone. I have been the heart to many who simply needed to feel safe somewhere, so YES, I BELIEVE ALL LIVES MATTER.

Likely because of what I witnessed, books were solace for me. I turned to books as a channel of inspiration (and music too). Maya Angelou wrote “Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.” I took her literally and I travelled the world. When I travelled, I saw skin colour of all shades and people of many different religious and spiritual customs. I saw humanity. I learned customs, I learned love and shaped me into who I am today. I have a Facebook list that is permeated with people around the globe of all skin colours. I have a business that has a private membership that is as diverse in its souls as it is in their skin colours.

Is it enough? HELL NO. CAN I DO MORE? HELL YES.

The world is changing and I will rise to meet it.

I will continue to learn and use my four guiding principles: Courage, Curiosity, Connection and Integrity to help with healing. I am a Love and Light kind of gal and yes. I follow the moon and the planets, I wear yoga pants, I believe plants are healing and I meditate.

YES, I believe the world is having a spiritual revolution. In saying this, I AM NOT FLIPPING THE SCRIPT and saying that I can justify a BLACK LIFE (or any life) because of my spiritual beliefs.

I NEVER use the planets to justify the use of violence or to explain why bad things happen. I DO use the tools in my tool box: astrology, retrograde planets, mala beads, mantras, meditations, yoga and nature to help ME heal. They are my tools because I need to keep healing to stay courageous, curious and connected. They are my tools to ensure that my heart stays in integrity and committed to sharing love and acting from love because I truly believe SELF LOVE HEALS and that IF I HEAL, I CAN HELP HOLD SPACE FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS HEALING.

I believe LOVE is what will get us out of this and change us forever.

I believe that LOVING all people and loving enough to save BLACK LIVES that are VERY much in danger right now is one of the many action steps I can take. I believe the more resilient I am, the more I can turn up for my brothers and sisters in the indigenous community and all people of colour, the more I can turn up for humanity.

So diary, I will keep being me. I will keep curious on how to use my voice for good, for aid. I will keep breathing and healing and helping others do the same. My heart hasn’t changed since I was 8. All are welcome at my table, but my voice has changed. I am stronger, wiser, more empowered and better equipped to welcome you into my heart. I can hold your pain closer now and not need to fix you. I can let you sit with me and invite you to breathe, meditate, cry, scream, and hold you in a container of love. That’s my soul’s knowing, and I choose to victoriously rise to meet it with my mind and body, whole, resilient, and committed to change.


Sign up for my upcoming Mercury Retrograde Companion Series where I will help you understand how to prep for Mercury Retrograde,
teach you what it is and how it affects us AND will be your companion LIVE daily during our upcoming Mercury Retrograde June 18 – July 12.

AND if you’re interested, learn about why I see Mercury Retrograde as a Blessing and Not a Curse.

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