Diaries – 1st Week Of July

Dear Diary,

This has been a trying week. I spoke Sunday about the planets all going retrograde and despite my knowledge, I had failed to take my own advice. By Wednesday I was feeling the effects of all the cosmic energy, trying to move through headaches, and walking around like my skin was inside out. I knew innately that this week was meant to be at a slower pace. I did manage to clear some space – it really wasn’t enough for what I truly needed. I turned to left over birthday cake to soothe my emotional aches, ate quick easy foods and really did all the things I tell my clients not to do!  I knew I was in it… but that didn’t seem to make any difference until Friday.

Intuitive Feelings & Struggles

Friday morning my life shifted into full speed. My mom, who is on a journey with cancer, suddenly woke up unable to walk. I tried every healing technique in my arsenal until I broke down and asked for an ambulance but my mom decided to hold off. My mom was unwilling to go wait in a hospital (I don’t really blame her) and luckily we were able to get a house call from our doctor. Its times like these that things become so challenging for me. The boundaries of daughter, healer, intuitive, all meshed in with my own attachments and grief. I have a great gift of “knowing” the steps a person could take, I can sense parts of the body that are screaming out emotions or needs but I can NOT fix any of it. In a state of chaos, I called two of my dear trusted friends and simply broke down. I needed a space where I could safely talk about what I was sensing without judgment as well as describe the blur between fear and reality. Working as an intuitive is hard on a good day but the emotional attachment of a loved one makes it increasingly more difficult to distinguish from my mind and the intuitive eye.

A Minfulness Day For Myself

After a few calls and conversations, I picked myself up and gave myself a day to just get it all wrong. Saturday I was short, I was frustrated, I was a bleary-eyed mess. My son asked me repeatedly all weekend if I was happy, and I told him the truth, no. Saturday we couldn’t nap and so blessedly the boy went to bed willingly around 7 pm. This gave me time and space to sit with my feelings. I pulled out my sacred journal, the magic one where I make my deepest disclosures and write my greatest manifestations. I held a ceremony with Tobacco as my witness and wrote the words and feelings I needed help to remove myself from. I burned them, buried them, and then collected rainwater to send them back to the healing waters. I then took time to sit with and write about what does serve me and continued to ask for guidance on how to shift and be of service to myself, my son, my community, and the Earth for the highest good of all.

I am taking my own advice this week, I am going to sleep early, I am deactivating social media and unplugging for various hours, I am eating berries, and cherries with my son instead of “supposed” dinners or order to things, I am taking baths, I am finding stillness

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