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Diaries – 1st week of January

Dear Diary,

It’s so easy to get caught up in all the planning and lose sight of just being present. I was feeling that overwhelm gremlin begin to rise each time I looked at my inbox. There are emails galore, programs I am signed up for, webinars I have missed, my own planning for business and the launch of my own courses and events. I noticed this feeling begin to surface and I settled into some breathing and chose to put everything down and go away for the weekend. Creating space for myself and giving myself permission not to work immediately made me feel lighter. I began to repeat “I have enough time to do all the things I need to do next week”.

Handling The Feeling Of Overwhelm

As I settled into that mantra I brought in some play and had a playdate with my son’s daycare group. We hung out with some rocks, I read them a story and we tried out some yoga together. My son adopted the koala pose and clung to me in all ways no matter what I was doing. It made for a fun way of trying yoga but it got me on the floor and laughing and we just hung out as kids, myself included. I am not teaching kids yoga at the moment but being with all these guys made me remember how special yoga can be in the eyes of a child!

As the weekend continued, I had a beautiful encounter with my father who has crossed the rainbow bridge. I was praying Saturday morning for some help, I have been struggling in some areas and panic was settling into my body. I could feel it in my diaphragm and my belly and I knew I needed help from a higher source to help me trust everything is going to be ok. As I went to make breakfast I saw some paperwork I had been putting off dealing with for almost 2 years now because it meant that everything with my dad was nearly done. I decided that morning to complete it and was met with the kindest people who helped me. Leaving our errands, we rounded a corner we take often when out of the blue my son pointed to a restaurant and said: “Mommy, we used to go there”. He was right, we went there twice a month for fish and chips with my dad, my dad died before Caden’s first birthday and I have never been back. Lastly, an hour later I got my son all tucked into his car seat for our trip back to nanna’s only to discover after I closed his door all the doors were locked.

Remembering Dad

There are no words for how fast the breath left my body or how much panic I felt as I looked around the parking lot for help. I began banging on houses until I found someone and frantically called my mom. I knew she was close by and had a spare key to my house. I entered my house and couldn’t calm myself down enough to find my spare car key and so we called CAA. The tow truck driver was there in under 5 minutes, and his name was John (my dad’s name). Thank you, Dad, for reminding me you are always with me and for seemingly finding me on a  weekend I needed you so much.

As the day wound down I reflected on the week and how productive it had felt how much pressure crept in, and above all how much love I feel for my son. That little human has changed me in more ways than I knew possible and he reminds me every day that life is full of feelings meant to be felt. I felt a whole range of feelings this week fear panic, anxiety, overwhelm, elation, humility, love, joy, and presence.  Blessed Be.