As we make our way back into the day to day routine we call life many of us have taken some time to put pen to paper and list our goals for 2018. I watched a great interview yesterday hosted by The Empowered Life. In the interview hosted by Kim Louise Morrison, Susan Lazar poses a question that just lights me up like a firecracker! Susan asks how much distance have you put between the reality you would like and what you have bought as not possible! Its so easy when we start thinking of goals to talk ourselves out of our true hearts desire by shifting from our heart and how we want to feel, to our mind and what we think is possible. Our mind is designed to protect us, its valuable, but it can also limit us if we choose to use it as our only tool in making goals.
One of the other set-backs in goal setting can be setting goals that you think or feel you should do. When you say the word should how do you feel? i.e. I should lose weight, I should go back to school, I should get married. Just say that word over and over a few times, should.
Stop reading here try it and be honest! Does it make you feel light, giddy, ecstatic, or happy? Does it make you feel heavy, sick to your stomach, defiant, defensive or even bigger defeated?
I have been on an intensive exploration with the power of words lately and when it comes to setting goals I have found one word in particular that for me has to go, SHOULD. I realized that when I take the time to listen to my feelings and how a word makes me feel I can choose to work with words in an empowering way. For me anything that has “should” in it means it’s not my idea of what I want to be doing and if it isn’t my idea I seldom want to put much energy into it. Should is a set-up for failure for me because it is a judgement on my ability to be or do something. I should lose weight, but I didn’t so I failed. When I try should out on someone else by saying “you should lose weight” I can instantly feel the judgement! I wouldn’t walk around telling strangers or even friends what they should do so when setting my resolutions, I am learning to speak to myself with the same respect and eliminating judgement in the form of the word should.
To put this into practice I chose to use one of the above examples I would like to lose weight. I would like to have the goal of losing some weight because I want to hike a four hour trail this summer. I know of this great trail that has felt too long to tackle and I feel that removing some excess weight and getting fit will help me walk this extra distance with ease. I love exploring in nature and getting off the beaten path by taking the longer trails they are always serene and I feel at peace! Notice the language in my resolution to lose weight, I am clear on why I want to lose weight there is no mention of numbers and a lot of association to feelings.
“Should is a futile word. It’s about what didn’t happen. It belongs in a parallel universe. It belongs in another dimension of space.” ― Margaret Atwood. As 2018 goals mull about in your mind I encourage you to choose our language with care and get curious about what is possible in your reality beyond the limit of the mind.